Hi I’m Kelsey, and I was a Drunk.

You’re probably here for one of two reasons,  you (are worried you might) have a problem, or you’re curious/nosey/bored. For those wrestling with the former, please read this: you are not alone.

You may be suffering in secret, you may feel lost, you may be hurting deeper than anyone realizes, but you are not alone.

I remember so clearly, my secret pain. Waking up hung over and full of shame, to go to the job I loved, at which I was successful, leaving my husband that I loved, with whom I had a great marriage, praying to the God I loved, WHY? Why do I keep drinking? What’s wrong with me? Will I ever quit?  Evening came, and the planning began – did I have wine at home? Do I have enough? Should I stop and get some? What healthy thing should I eat for dinner since I’m going to drink so many calories? Should I skip drinking tonight since we have friends coming over tomorrow night? Maybe just a couple glasses…

This went on for years, until I was finally tired of thinking about it. That’s when I found Belle, at tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com. I read all these posts and comments from other highly functional, dysfunctional people. Broken, successful people. Happy and loved yet miserable people. I realized a lot of people who live wonderful, blessed lives end up trapped in addiction. I love the analogy she shared which is that people with a healthy relationship to {fill in whatever here, for me it was wine} think of it like corn on the cobb. If there’s corn on the cobb at dinner, great. If not, who cares? I like corn on the cob but I don’t need it at every meal. They don’t obsess about how much corn on the cobb they can eat before people get concerned. They don’t carefully plan their day or week around sitting to have corn on the cobb. They don’t find themselves concerned about how much corn on the cobb is at home every day around 4pm. Great analogy, isn’t it?

I signed up for her 100 day challenge.

I failed on day 17.

I started again. I am currently just shy of two years sober. (Day 711, to be exact, which I keep record of in my phone.)

Listen, you amazing wonderful gifted human being, if you have a secret burden, you will never find your success.

You will not give the world your best work and find fulfillment. You will not be the best entrepreneur, mom, wife, friend, boss, daughter, brother you can be. What do you need to let go of? As you read this, in your gut, you already know. An affair. An eating disorder. An abusive relationship. Cutting. Drinking. Using. Food addiction. Social media addiction. I don’t know what it is, but you do.

There is so much more I want to say about this and someday I will sit and sweat and cry and write it all out in order to better help you. For now, I urge you to tell someone, right now, today, what’s going on with you. Call your mom. Tell your wife. Reach out to a mentor. Walk into a treatment facility. When we stay silent, evil wins. Reach out and get help today. I am rooting for you!